tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-607719101484462692.post2728326916021398532..comments2024-01-23T12:27:05.258+00:00Comments on The Stone and the Star: Rilke's French Roses In Translation, IX, X and XIClarissa Aykroydhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08571136118573329263noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-607719101484462692.post-78586064483142058622013-08-21T09:55:39.905+01:002013-08-21T09:55:39.905+01:00Thanks so much, Rob... I think these are remarkabl...Thanks so much, Rob... I think these are remarkably evocative poems, it's indeed a bit like being in a French rose garden! Read as a sequence, they make me think of someone examining roses lovingly in close-up, concentrating on different aspects. <br /><br />I had another thought about translation. I used to ride horses and you develop a feel through your hands of when to rein the horse in a little, when to release and give it more power, so to speak. I feel like that's the balancing act with translation. Sometimes you rein in, sometimes you let go - it's an intuitive back-and-forth.Clarissa Aykroydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08571136118573329263noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-607719101484462692.post-92221086405012445372013-08-21T09:53:13.736+01:002013-08-21T09:53:13.736+01:00Thanks James! Your kind comments mean a lot to me....Thanks James! Your kind comments mean a lot to me. As I don't have a lot of translation experience I initially started working on these mainly as exercises so I am really glad that people are enjoying them. Who knows, maybe I will publish them eventually :) To be honest, I'm not that crazy about the Poulin translations either. They seem a bit overly literal and clunky to me.<br /><br />I really appreciate your suggestions too, and welcome any you might have. On reflection I think you're probably right about that tricky phrase in IX. I went back and forth on that one...! I think that in XI also where you've pointed out a possible confusion, the grammar is a bit puzzling. (Even my French friends were a bit confused by IX...) <br /><br />I'm going to be doing more revision at a later point, I think, so will be letting these stand warts and all as first/second drafts for now...Clarissa Aykroydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08571136118573329263noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-607719101484462692.post-2827693271232472852013-08-21T04:53:17.121+01:002013-08-21T04:53:17.121+01:00Clarissa Aykroyd, I think you did a fantastic job ...Clarissa Aykroyd, I think you did a fantastic job of translating those verses. I love the passion that you have for poetry. One of the things that will always stand out in my memory of when I studied in France was the incredibly beautiful rose gardens that are there. I could literally sleep in those parks just so that I could fall asleep and wake up to the intoxicating sent of these beautiful flowers. I hope I can go there again some day just to smell those roses.<br />Robert PapAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-607719101484462692.post-81995631826068000132013-08-21T00:10:40.398+01:002013-08-21T00:10:40.398+01:00Clarissa,
I'm always excited when I see that ...Clarissa,<br /><br />I'm always excited when I see that you have posted new "Roses"!! I think your versions are my favorites of these very hard to translate poems -- certainly, to my ear, clearer and more musical than A. Poulin's in The Collected French Poems. I hope we will see them published someday:-)<br /><br />I think I like X best of these three. The rhymes work very well, which is no small thing. And I admire the "insistent ally" and "its work of fantasy," which avoids the danger of entangling us in talk of fairies....<br /><br />A couple of small points, though you may well be tired of opinions:<br /><br />In IX, it seems to be that the phrase "dĂ©concertante / de son interne paix" must refer to the rose's "inner peace," which we find "unsettling". I agree the grammar is a bit wonky, but nothing else quite makes sense. Something like, "unsettling because of its inner peace"? (Not that I would suggest that exact wording....)<br /><br />In XI, I would be inclined to read "mon consentement te confound / avec mon coeur en fĂȘte" as "my consent confounds you <b>with</b> my rejoicing heart." That is, my heart and the rose seem to be one thing, rather than simply occurring at the same time....<br /><br />I hope you don't mind the discussion. It is just that these poems are hard to resist.<br /><br />.<br /> James Owenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07614935078978354375noreply@blogger.com